Pursky Reviews: Gravity Falls Oneshots
by Purksy
Summary: Whats better than writing, if you can't write? Reviewing of course! These are reviews of A number of Mature rated Gravity Falls Oneshots. Obviously rated M. Don't mind to leave a review yourself.
1. Dipper's Breast

_**Pursky Reviews**_

 ** _Gravity Falls M – Oneshot_**

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Ahhh. Gravity Falls. A show that has something for everyone. In case you don't know Gravity Falls it's a cartoon made by writer and voice actor Alex Hirsch. It is very creative, smart, funny and just very enjoyable to watch. You probably heard about it before. As the popular show it is, it obviously has a big fandom and that means lots of fanfiction. I'm a big fan myself and I got to admit some of these fanfictions are really good but that's not what were gonna read today. I'm talking about oneshots. Or at least kind of. Oneshots are small fanfictions that have no sequels or more than one chapter and they're usually not longer than 3000 Words. Some of them are rated M (Mature 17+). These M rated Oneshots… Well you could call them pornography just written down. And many of them are painful to read. But I will fight this pain! I'll take the challenge! I'll review this, I'll fight and I'll win! So what are we waiting for? Let's do it!

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 _ **Dipper's Breast**_

 ** _By Bloomrose_**

 **Words: 608**

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 **I guess I won't need to explain why I chose this one first. It's freaking called "Dipper's Breast"! How can that not make you curious!**

It was a peaceful night in Gravity falls.

 **Whenever a fic starts off with a sentence like "It was a peaceful night" or "It was normal day" it's a warning. It means stop reading!**

Dipper and Mabel were sleeping soundly when suddenly, a big crash was heard.

 **Oh no, it's Stan's Doomsday Device!**

"Wah, huh?" Dipper said, as he woke up from the crash "Silence." Said a huge horrible mythical creature that was bird shaped. Dipper was just awoken by a giant magic harpy.

 **This almost starts off like a real Gravity Falls Episode.**

"What do you want from me?! Just don't hurt my sister!" Dipper said as he turned to his sister who was still sound asleep and was completely unaware about the giant harpy in the middle of their room.

 **I think my reaction to this would have been like, WHAT THE FU*K?!**

"Dipper Pines, you have been summoned by the harpy gods," The harpy said. "You have 2 options. 1, you can be our sacrifice and battle a thousand sirens or 2 you will have 3 breasts.

 **…Huh?**  
 **So the punishment for not obeying the Harpy Gods is… 3 Breasts? I think someone in Harpy Council said that as a joke. Or are 3 Breasts just something horrible for harpies?**

Dipper, the perverted awkward 12 year old twin boy smirked. He always wanted to know how it's liked to have breasts.

 **I can understand why perverted awkward pre-teens want breasts but I thought they didn't want to actually HAVE them. Also, 3 Breasts? So why is this story called Dipper's BREAST. Was the Author too lazy for another S!** /

"I WANT THREE BREASTS!" Dipper howled at the harpy. The harpy used it's wings and flapped them around and blew Dipper into a dark hole.

 **So dark hole was an option too? I bet Dipper feels pretty deceived right now.**

All of a sudden Dipper awoken again. Dipper looked down at his chest, and poof three breasts appeared.

 **Ah, so there they are! Did they just appear the exact moment he woke up? Why didn't he get them earlier?**

He smirked a whole bunch and as a pervert he was he grabbed those boobs and squeezed them as hard as he could.

 **Ouch!**

He howled a little trying not to wake up his sleeping sister. He felt a rush bulging in his pants. He had a huge erection in his shorts.

 **Being attracted to boobs? Ok! Being attracted to your own boobs? Hmm…**

He grabbed his erection and zipped his fly down, and he masturbated with his other hand. He never felt so good, it was better than the first time he met Wendy.

 **Masturbating in the room where your sister is. Perfect! Also " _better than the first time he met Wendy_ "? I don't remember Dipper masturbating the first time he met Wendy. No wonder she's not into him. That must have been horrifying!**

Just then a fountain of cum bursted out of his cock.

 **Your gonna clean that up right?**

"Oaha." He moaned, it felt so good to have breasts.

 **" _Oaha_ " Interesting Orgasm sound.**

Later that day he tried to hide his breasts from being seen by his sister, Soos and Stan so he put a pillow in his shirt.

 **How does that help? It looks even stranger!**

"Dipper, have you been working out?" Stan asked. "Yeah, why so buff, cream puff? Haha." Mabel joked.

 **Mabel's Jokes! Can't get enough of them.**

Dipper awkwardly giggled then said, "Well I want to have muscles kinda, so, how do they look?" He started flexing. Stan and Mabel were dumbfounded, but then they just laughed.

 **And I know why. A pillow in your shirt just doesn't make you muscular. It makes you ridiculous. Especially when you're a boy with 3 breasts!**

"Haha, Dipper this must be a joke. You're just so puny." Mabel giggled. "Yeah, what are you hiding under there, pillows?" Stan laughed.

 **Yes! That is indeed true!**

Mabel and Stan were hysterical. Dipper stomped away. He went to the bathroom and took away the pillow from his chest and he saw that his boobs grew 10 sizes.

 **Holy Shit! A few inches more and you'll need a wheelchair!**

He then suckled on his feminine nipples. Then he masturbated again. This time his cum shot up to his boobs and covered them with cum. He licked it off his boobs.

 **I neither can nor want to comment on this! *shiver***

He then went to the sink to wash up. Then he placed the pillow inside his shirt. "Hmm, this pillows too big," Dipper said. "Maybe I could stuff my vest in my shirt instead."

 **The pillow wasn't too big when his breasts were ten times smaller! How does that make sense?!**

He took his vest off and put it inside his shirt. He then went to his room to read the number 3 journal, but then he felt something growing in his chest. His breasts grew more and ripped his shirt.

 **Now things are getting REALLY out of hand. You should probably go to a hospital.**

He then borrowed one of Mabel's sweaters and stuffed his vest inside.

 **I wonder what Mable thought when Dipper came up to her with three k cup boobs and a ripped shirt and asked for a sweater!**

But his plan failed as his breasts grew bigger and bigger and bigger. He couldn't scream for help because his breasts made him suffocate somehow.

 **Don't worry he just can't scream because he's terrified and disturbed.**

Then POP! A bunch of Dipper's guts plopped all over the room. Dipper was dead.

 **And the moral of the story, don't have breasts. Or they're gonna grow and grow until you explode and die!**

The Harpy then soon appeared into the room and looked at Dipper's dead flesh. "He should've battled the sirens." The harpy said.

 **Thank you very much! Just for your information, I would have taken the sirens.**

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So that's it! What the hell! This fanficion is so odd and still short that I have barely anything to complain about. There's really not much to say about it, except for: Take the sirens. Not the Boobs.


	2. The Virginal Birth (Part 1)

_**Mabel And Dipper Pines: The Virginal Birth**_

 _ **By Eogrus**_

 _ **Words: 2788**_

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 **Part 1**

 **I found this Fanfiction about a year ago and thought it was the worst Gravity Falls Fanfiction ever. I have changed my opinion but** **I** **still** **think it's worth adressing.**

Dipper went down the stairs. He had been having some very good personal time

 **Oh no, Oh no no no!**

by reading ancient sumerian manuscripts he found on the Gravity Falls bank, and they told of wonderous and wise things about ancient akkadian civilisations.

 **Oh, good!**

"Ah, if only I could share this knowledge with the scientific community" he sighed, he really hoped to share his discoveries with the world

 **This sounds like an even smarter version of Dipper. Maybe this Story really isn't so bad after all...**

and be immortalised as a god scientist emperor and get all the babes so he could make Wendy jealous for not letting him rape her.

 **Aaand there we go! Also " _letting_ _him rape her_ "? That is impossible! paradoxical even!  
**

But alas, such tomfoolery would have to wait. He went down the stairs because he was really thristy, all that reading of desert city texts had made him invision the wonderous waters of the Tigris and Euphrates and made him want to crave fig juice.

 **Dipper is so articulated in this version. I appreciate that.**

So he walked right down the stairs and "JESUS CHRIST MABEL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"

 **I think this Fanfictions purpose is to punch me in the face everytime I'm curtain of something and to tell me I'm wrong!**

Mabel Pines was laying on the floor, nude from the waist down,

 **This is when I would have left.**

shoving her pet pig Waddles into her grostesquely engorged snatch,

 **This is when I would have left running.**

the poor animal kicking and screaming as most of his torso was within Mabel's hateful uterus, inflating her belly in a pig-shaped mound, her hands on the boar's arse and shoving him further into her vagina.

 **This is weird. I mean really weird. Is that a fetish? Is that a type of masturbation?**

Around her laid the mutilated corpses of goats, woodpeckers, crocodiles and children, the limbs hacked off and thrown together in a pile, while a massive goblet of gold laid beside her, full of filth and the blood of saints.

 **Ahhh, now I get it! It's Fanfiction Satanism! The kind of Satanism where you can make up everything, including shoving pigs into vaginas!**

"Ah, just in time, Dipper my brother!" she moaned evilly and whoristically,

 **I'm not so sure " _whoristically_ "is a word.**

"Watch as I transcend my pitiful existence and become the greatest of all calamities!"

 **Calamite? That is a gem! When did she become a Steven Universe character? Well ok, it is also a word for something terrible and evil.**

And so she dipped (geddit) her fingers on Waddles' anus and covered them in bloody pig diarrhea,

 **1\. BAD PUN! 2. GROSS!**

and wrote on her forehead "Babylon the Great, the Mother of Prostitutes and Abominations of the Earth", and licked and swallowed the remaining dung with much pleasure.

 **Eww! Poo Fetish! The worst of them all! Also, Babylon? The Whore of Babylon from the Book of Revelation in the Bible? What does she have to do with anything!**

With a final thrust, she shoved the rest of Waddles body up her canal, only his hindhoofs remaining outside.

 **Logically, this should be the moment for both of them to DIE!**

Her womb then began to constrict, and Waddles was slowly and painfully masticated to death, his internal organs and bones completly smashed and crushed within those fleshy halls, blood, viscerae, fat, bile and shit flowing forth from Mabel's vagina as the pig was destroyed.

 **Well she's definitley got a Uterus of Steel!**

Mabel moaned with much hatred and pleasure and bobbed her head wildly like Animal in The Muppets movie, screaming in eldritch tongues obscenities against existence.

 **Ok, now that is just hilarious! ...and disturbing.**

In a few minutes, a massive pool of Waddles' fluids laid before her, and his bump inside her was drastically reduced, only a small hill that barely indicated there was a pig previously inside. With a final push, Waddles' hooves came inside, and the dead pig was completly within Mabel's uterus.

 **At least that is over, thank you! So are you finally going to explain why and how you did that!**

"Now Dipper my twin, I am pregnant with the messiah of darkness and despair, the greatest Beast that shall lay the world in ruin!

 **...ok... I see... I guess I'll have to analyze this whole segment: " _I am pregnant with the messiah of darkness and despair_ " Well first of all you're not _pregnant_ , you're _repulsive_! And whats up with this " _messiah of darkness and despair_ " gibberish! I doubt there is a religion or sect with anything like that! " _the greatest Beast that shall lay the world in ruin_ "!? You mean the crushed pig in your organs? I don't think It'll do anything, much less laying the world in ruin! Whatever, Fanfiction Satanism, I don't care!  
**

You shall do as I say, or else there will be grave...CONSEQUENCES!"

 **So she's threatening Dipper too! Thank you weird Fanfiction Mabel!**

Dipper could only whimper, he was completly horrorfied by the whimsical display of violence and suinophobia before him,

 **He took the words right out of my mouth.**

and much disliked the way the children's bodies were arranged.

 **Because the blood oozing arms and the broken legs, weren't symmetrical to each other, at all!**

If only he could rape Wendy to get his mind off this.

 **We already talked about this Dipper! Raping is bad! And I thought she didn't let him!**

"Good, now take me to hospital so that I may give birth the the Prince of DEATH with dignity and uncomplications!"

 **Hospital? What is something so usual doing this in this trashcan of a fanfiction?**

Mabel said, taking a sip from her goblet of holy blood and shit.

 **Gross! Gross! GROSS!**

"B-but you only got preganted now!" cried Dipper fearfully and confusedly.

 **She didn't! SHE FU*KING DIDN'T!**

"Indeed, but I am the Whore Queen, my pregnancy only lasts as much as I desire!"

 **This makes as much sence as vampires sparkling in the sunlight!**

And to prove her point, her belly was now fully round like at the end of pregnancy. Evil, eldritch noises could be heard from within her, and the bulges of what appeared to be tentacles and hooves appeared on it.

 **I guess I just have to accept that she is pregnant with a messiah of darkness and depair...**

Screaming faces of children occasionally appeared, frozen in abstract suffering and terror. Dipper swallowed a gob of spit, and led the way to the car.

 **Car? Dipper can drive a car?**

"I have to prevent my sister from birthing!" he thought secretly to himself, "I musn't let this abomination be born and ruin my chances to get revenge on Wendy!"

 **What he just said was nonsense and still the most logical thing is this story yet.**

So Dipper drove the car, but through a thin road in the middle of the forest. Tons of gnomes, squirrels and school children were trampled to death by the wheels, their intestines rolling around the tires and spewing blood and shit everywhere.

 **I take it back, he can't drive! Just drive the car to pieces and end this!**

Mabel much liked, devouring the filth with much pleasure,

 **How! she's IN the car! There are Windows! I give up trying to find any logic in this.**

but she got suspicious of Dipper. "Brother, the road to the hospital is not here!"she hissed evilly like a dementia siren with congenital vaginitis and hateful pus globs of despise.

 **Ok, I got it she's evil! Stop that!**

"Uh, this is a short cut to the hospital! I musn't make the baby wait!" "Oh, okay." But Dipper...WAS LYING!

 **Thank you Dipper! Go and kill her!**

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This Fanfiction is just too long for one part, So I'm going to split it into 2. Next part is coming soon! Don't loose fate!

Pursky


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